Get the popcorn ready because this Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman (UTAR) Sungai Long student’s wild party night will make you laugh your ass off.
Posted on UTAR confession page which had gone viral, the student recounted his first time clubbing experience with a group of − 42 − friends.
Initially reluctant to go but he figured he had to take care of his birthday friend (A)lex who was a drunkard, he decided to go and be the designated guardian.
As a person that didn’t like to drink, smoke nor dance, he said he could understand why his big group of friends were eager to go to the Z initial club in Kuala Lumpur because they didn’t have a club back in Sungai Long. After celebrating Alex’s birthday, he hopped on a car and headed to the club.
To keep the story true to its original narration, we have translated the 1,800-Chinese-worded piece as simple as possible below by censoring the profanity and using aliases.
“When the elevator door opened, it’s as if they were burning trash, creating a haze like the one we experienced coming from Indonesia. For a moment, I thought I would soon develop lung cancer. The second-hand smoke was thicker than my sperm.
“A lot of people were here because this was the hottest Zxxz club in KL. We only got to get in after queuing for an hour. One of my friends told me since this was my first time, he would escort me in.
“What the [curse word], as soon as the [curse word] door opened, I thought there was an earthquake. It’s even louder than the moaning screams coming from my neighbour.
“Alex booked us a table. What the [curse word]. 42 of us and he only got us one [curse word] table? Did he lose his mind? There wasn’t even enough space to stand,” wrote the excited confessor.
He stood there for two hours and pondered of what fun could clubbing bring. He said the songs were outdated and the people were, as if, squeezed inside a can of sardine to dance.
“They weren’t even dancing. They were just a group of drunkards rubbing their body on each other.”
The student said he started to get busy past 2am. His friends passed Alex to him. He realized the birthday boy was drunk and couldn’t stand on his feet.
“They passed him to me because I was the only sober guy there.”
The concerned Britney, Alex’s girlfriend, came to him and told him to take good care of her boyfriend as she was drunk as well. So the student just sat on the sofa the whole night with Alex. Whenever there’s a good song, Alex would resuscitate and dance.
“I had to constantly calm him down.”
“Suddenly, there was another song that got him up and danced. Seconds after, he fell to the floor with his mouth open, [curse word] he vomited on my shoes.
“That [curse word]. I had to endure the hideous stains on my shoes. One of the friends ran over to take him to the toilet. Alex was set for good after that.”
When that was done, there came Britney. Britney was looking for her boyfriend and there was no luck. But she was already hammered as well, said the sober student.
“Another friend of mine Christine hurled Britney up onto my lap. What the [curse word], her breasts were pressing on my tights. I immediately held her up,” he said, adding that he was a gentleman and would never take advantage of any girls.
Britney told the gentleman to take good care of her, explaining that she had too much to drink.
“Here comes the exciting part. Daniel (another friend) was drunk and he sat beside me as I looked after Britney.
“Out of nowhere everyone suddenly screamed. What the [curse word], and the next thing I knew was an Indian girl came slamming into Daniel and kissed him.”
Three friends were pulling the girl off Daniel but unfortunately, Elaine who had a huge crush on Daniel witnessed the kiss right before her eyes. The gentleman said Elaine flipped out right after that and disappeared.
“When I looked back to where I was sitting, I saw Britney had disappeared as well. What the [curse word], I couldn’t care less.
“Meanwhile, Christine told me to hurry and go save Elaine as she had gone into the dance floor.” Haha! The dance floor is a dangerous place for girls, peeps.
The designated guardian said Christine was much like him because the two of them had been taking care of their friends the whole night.
After much effort in a span of one hour, they finally found Elaine.
“I told Elaine to come with me but she refused. She said she wasn’t drunk.
“What the [curse word]! Just by standing there, there were already a squillion men trying to take advantage of her… touching her.”
The benevolent student said Elaine was wearing a particularly short skirt and it attracted a lot of attention. It took him quite some time to convince her to get out of the dance floor.
Looks like Elaine was set for good and now the story highlight goes to Fiona.
“There was this girl Fiona, she also had too much to drink with the Indian girl. Both of them were hammered. There were a lot of guys taking advantage of Fiona, harassing her.
“What the [curse word]! Those guys were touching her breasts and even her private below.
“When I tried to check on her again, she was gone. Fiona was gone with the men groping her. I didn’t even know what to do.”
After Fiona, comes Gina who was a good friend of the gentleman. He said Gina didn’t drink that night but she was a friendly person and that invited a lot of opportunities for men to take advantage of.
“She squeezed through the crowd and came over to greet me, asked if I was okay, as she knew I was looking after a handful of friends that night.
“When she turned around and was trying to walk through the crowd again, I saw a hand was incoming, heading to grope her butt. Without second thought, I slid behind her to protect her and the hand touched my butt instead. [Curse word]!”
Truly a noble hero! Salute.